A Hippie Sermon

I stare out at the loudly roaring river from the tail gate of our new (to us), sort of beat up but nevertheless, gorgeous beast of a truck. With a little bat dog on my lap and smooshed right in between my 140 pound cuddly suck of a dog and my scruffy wonderful man, my mind starts to whirl like a washing machine on it's spin cycle. Was this truck selfish of us? These new shoes, do they make me selfish? There is so much poverty, starvation, death.. How do I justify 'stuff'?

Of course, Travis makes me feel better, "We need a truck to continue with the renos on our house. We need to do the renos to sell. We need to sell to downsize, to minimalize, to get back in touch with life." Okay fine, I'll give you that one.. But what about my shoes? Did I need these shoes? I wish I could say yes. Again, he lessens the guilt in my heart. He tells me, "You never buy shoes and you love shoes. And the shoes you really wanted, you refused to buy because they were $70 - which by the way Ash, is considered cheap."

I feel less guilt now but.. not no guilt. I don't how to reason sometimes. Do I reason with my contemporary, wealthy society? Or my globally compassionate, deep roots? I suck back a little herb of our earth and let the old time rock makes it way through my ears and into my brain. As mentioned several times in my previous ramblings now, I love music. I love music so much I think it's kind of amazing. I love most all art to the point of amazingness too, actually. Photography, painting, sketching, sculpting, dance, fashion, interior decorating.. LOVE. I don't want to lose those parts of myself, but at the same time, I don't want to invest my entire being and money into any of them as I'm an animal activist (which to me, includes the human race) first and foremost.

With the chaos of expensive Canadian cities flying in front of my eyes like a video stuck on fast forward, I feel as though I'm being engulfed by blindness. My spirituality, the morals that I'm so passionate about, it's like they're getting sat on by a big fat blob of unnecessary necessities. I really truly am not trying to aim dynamite at anyone with this next comment but I am so utterly sick of hearing about iPads and Ray Bans and all stupidly-priced, brand name blahblahblahs that will be outdated in no time.

What about a little less gawking through glass at all these 'gotta haves'?
And a little more than just glimpse at a photograph of the tragic oil spill?
Than just a skimming of an article on the polar bears that are starving because the ice is vanishing?
Have we talked about Haiti latley?
Or our sponsor children and sponsor dogs in their third world countries?

And while I'm questioning myself, ourselves - why are there third world countries?
Why are we always first?

I don't want to feel condemned and guilty about every purchase, every self-indulgence nor do I want you to feel that way. I also don't want to be exhausted from over-analyzing. But maybe sometimes, a few times, we should feel guilty and over-analyze. And because of my stupid new shoes, I am not letting myself buy new jeans too. Although I admit I'm down to just a couple pair, including one with a ripped crotch. Still, I hold strong.. I will just ensure to wear undies and cross my legs. :)

Real

Real isn't how you are made,

it's a thing that happens to you.

It doesn't happen at all once.

You become.

...

It takes a long time.

That's why it doesn't happen often

to those who break easily,

or have sharp edges,

or who have to be carefully kept.

...

Generally, by the time you are Real,

most of your hair has been loved off,

and your eyes drop out

and you get loose in the joints

and very shabby.

...

...

But these things don't matter at all,

because once you are Real

you can't be ugly

except to people who don't understand.

-The Velveteen Rabbit

Salina

It has been too long since my last blog post.. Oi, the stresses of life have taken me under latley. I've become so consumed with a never ending to-do list and some big time-pressured life decisions. Blah, overwhelmed. Blah, exhausted. And amidst it all, I've been thinking about what I really want in life and no matter what thinking route I take, I always come back to the same desires: rescuing dogs, exploring this earth and absorbing myself in photography.

I can't believe it's been 8 months. 8 months since I first decided I was going to get wrapped up in photo shoots. 8 months of trial and error, of learning and re-learning, all the while falling deeper in love with photography. I've always been a passionate and artistic person, so it's no wonder that I would love the art of photography. But recently, I've discovered a new passion within my own photography.. Chasing the emotions, the real character and hearts of the subjects in my images.

With trying to learn, I've been shooting anything and everything non-stop. With all this click-click-clicking, I'm realizing what I love to shoot. And that's pretty much everything. However, I la-LOVE to shoot authenticity. Just people, in their element, being naturally and imperfectly themselves. Dorky, crazy, quirky, in love, alive; to bottle all that realness up in a photograph is exactly what I want to do. So here I am, putting it in writing which means it's for reals - I'm ready to focus on lifestyle photography. More couples, families, babies, children, maternity, pets, all that good stuff. But don't completely rule out creative side projects from me either!

It's a whole new world (oh, Aladdin) but when isn't it?

Now, a blog post just isn't complete without some eye candy. Below is the very very adorable Salina, paddling around the lake in my girlfriend's backyard. Yep, that's right, backyard (SO jealous). I love everything about this shoot - the sunshine, the water, the playfulness (honestly, it was like we were goofing around), Salina's rockin' smile when I shout dirty words. We maybe could've done without the scary spiders but I'm sure the neighbours enjoyed hearing the girly screams.

Dreamy Kitchens

Right click. Save.

Right Click. Save.

Scroll.

Pause.

...Scroll.

Scrooooll.

Right Click. Save.

That's me on a Friday night skimming interior decorating websites, saving a million photos to a computer file aptly titled, 'Ashley's Wicked Awesome Dream House.' Yep. I love and have always loved interior decorating. I also love dreaming some big dreamy dreams. And being the organized, must write it down, list it, categorize it, type A person that I am, I'm constantly saving pictures and ideas on my computer. When I was just a kid I used to cut out pictures from the Sears catalouge and glue them to a room plan that I designed. But nowadays, right clicking + saving is just so much more efficient.

Tonight I've mainly been kitchen photo hunting as we are currently in the midst of kitchen renos. It's fun to discover new inspiration and thought I'd share some with you. I adore these kitchens, loveloveLAH-ooove them!

Kitchen Must-Have Looks:

Light, airy blues paired with a lot of white, like a LOTTA white (this can only be a bad thing with 6 animals in the house, 2 black dogs included)A distressed something or other (or is it stressed? I can never remember) Nixing the top cupboards for shelving

Glass or subway tiles A wood counter An island on wheels with vintage or industrial bar stoolsIndustrial lighting
A fireplace (okay, so maybe it's not a "must have" in the modern day kitchen, but it'd be pretty wicked awesome) Beams on the ceiling A chalkboard grocery list Art & fresh flowers
What are your must-haves for kitchen decorating?

PS. Please don't mind the whacked out size of the photos in my last blog posts. I am an in-training blogger currently learning about size adjustment.. Patience, young grasshoppa.

Anne

Doesn't Annie look pretty? We took some shots before her big graduation dinner.. Gosh, I can't believe how grown up she is, how grown up I am (haha, not really). But really, it's incredible how far we've come but also mind boggling and sort of, kind of scary. We're approaching mid-20s.. Really? How on earth did this happen?

Bah, anyways. We hit up a little park and this construction area by her house which I am reeeally excited about! I conjured up some rad plans using the concrete tunnels in a future shoot. Stay tuned!

Isn't her smile so real and beautiful? It just makes me smile back. Random fact: sometimes I yell dirty words to make people giggle.

Chaos

Hang on.

You are not alone.

Thank You Momma

I drag my heavily soaked brush down from the top of the doorway as if I'm steadily yanking down the ripest apple from the top of the tree, the strong musk of latex wafting into my nostrils. In my now almost completely robin's egg blue kitchen (used to be frowning caveman green), I stand and look up at my mom on my husband's shaky wooden ladder. With her roller to the wall, she laughs as Travis and I sing, well yodel/scream, our way through the brilliant Imogean Heap's 'Hide & Seek.' While still giggling she manages to yell out, "You guys! Shut up!!" With an agreeing glance toward each other, Travis and I crank our singing volume way up, being the immature conspiring brats that we are. Still laughing, she continues to paint.

***

I don't say thank you enough, Mom. I mean, I know I say it in those obvious big times like when you stay a weekend at my house, putting your intensely busy life on hold just to paint my kitchen. But what about the little times? Those seemingly small but significant moments.

Thank you for being a friend, a mother all of us children feel comfortable enough to tease, harass, pull pranks on - with the only response being laughter and the occasional smack on the shoulder.

Thank you also for being pretty weak so those smacks on the shoulder don't ever hurt.

Thank you for always trying to smother me with kisses everytime I hug you (I swear you do it now just because you know I don't like it).

Thank you for stopping me from pulling the heads off my barbies. You may have put an end to some serious crime in my future.

Thank you for letting me quit ballet when I had to dance with that.. boy. Cooties.

Thank you for learning how to teach just so you could help your own children. Thank you for those after-hours school sessions at the kitchen table every day. They did pay off, for all of us.

Thank you for sleeping beside me in the hospital when my kidneys were failing. And buying me the sparkly blue Crest toothpaste just because I wanted it.

Thank you for cuddling up next to a sleepy, grumpy teen in the mornings, poking and bugging me until I would wake up, finally threatening with the spray bottle.

Thank you for fighting me every step of the way from seeing a certain young boy. You were right, he was a bad apple.

Thank you for putting our hobbies and sports, our "Mooom, I have to have it" brand name clothes, our tears, our future, everything first. Even with no time, minimal energy and little money - your boys and daughter always came first.

Thank you for that still being the case.

Thank you for calming me down when I had a public melt down over a wedding dress.

But more importantly, thank you for truly loving the man I married. Your relationship with Travis makes my heart smile.

Thank you for supporting my always changing mind and my new crazy and crazier endeavours.

I think I've come to expect you to pull through everytime I need you because you have never let me down. But I shouldn't expect it, you don't have to do many of the wonderful million things you do. You are special and the way you treat your children is special. For all the times I don't say it, thank you Mom. I love and enjoy who you are.

PS. Happy Mother's Day to all you mommas out there (yes, I'm one day late on this post but I mean it all the same).