Of course, Travis makes me feel better, "We need a truck to continue with the renos on our house. We need to do the renos to sell. We need to sell to downsize, to minimalize, to get back in touch with life." Okay fine, I'll give you that one.. But what about my shoes? Did I need these shoes? I wish I could say yes. Again, he lessens the guilt in my heart. He tells me, "You never buy shoes and you love shoes. And the shoes you really wanted, you refused to buy because they were $70 - which by the way Ash, is considered cheap."
I feel less guilt now but.. not no guilt. I don't how to reason sometimes. Do I reason with my contemporary, wealthy society? Or my globally compassionate, deep roots? I suck back a little herb of our earth and let the old time rock makes it way through my ears and into my brain. As mentioned several times in my previous ramblings now, I love music. I love music so much I think it's kind of amazing. I love most all art to the point of amazingness too, actually. Photography, painting, sketching, sculpting, dance, fashion, interior decorating.. LOVE. I don't want to lose those parts of myself, but at the same time, I don't want to invest my entire being and money into any of them as I'm an animal activist (which to me, includes the human race) first and foremost.
With the chaos of expensive Canadian cities flying in front of my eyes like a video stuck on fast forward, I feel as though I'm being engulfed by blindness. My spirituality, the morals that I'm so passionate about, it's like they're getting sat on by a big fat blob of unnecessary necessities. I really truly am not trying to aim dynamite at anyone with this next comment but I am so utterly sick of hearing about iPads and Ray Bans and all stupidly-priced, brand name blahblahblahs that will be outdated in no time.
What about a little less gawking through glass at all these 'gotta haves'?
And a little more than just glimpse at a photograph of the tragic oil spill?
Than just a skimming of an article on the polar bears that are starving because the ice is vanishing?
Have we talked about Haiti latley?
Or our sponsor children and sponsor dogs in their third world countries?
And while I'm questioning myself, ourselves - why are there third world countries?
Why are we always first?
I don't want to feel condemned and guilty about every purchase, every self-indulgence nor do I want you to feel that way. I also don't want to be exhausted from over-analyzing. But maybe sometimes, a few times, we should feel guilty and over-analyze. And because of my stupid new shoes, I am not letting myself buy new jeans too. Although I admit I'm down to just a couple pair, including one with a ripped crotch. Still, I hold strong.. I will just ensure to wear undies and cross my legs. :)