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Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Blubbers and the Stacks of Pennies

As much as I want to be strong, I'm not.  I'm dependant, sensitive, emotional and well, just plain soft and squishy on the inside (and a little on the outside too but we won't go there).  My bottom lip quivers every single time I watch Titanic, my eyes get warm with tears at the beginning of every SPCA and World Vision commerical, I full out bawl when I am lonely.  Along with being an annoying mess of feelings, I am also a huge dreamer.  Recently these two sides of me met and let's just say.. call ICBC cos we have a crash collision, folks!  Hahaha.. I'm lame, I know..

Ya see, when my mind goes a million miles an hour, my emotions just can't keep up.  I want soo much out of life that I can't help but wonder, 'How can I do it all and be it all?'  My wonder turns to frustration (about time, aging, money) then worry and then my old friend, panic sets in.  And then, sitting at the kitchen table right before dinner.. I cry.  Bringeth forth my nickname of Blubbers.

Luckily, Blubbers has Travis.  As the tears stream down my face, Trav walks across the kitchen, picks up our yellow, smiley face change mug and dumps out a bunch of coins.  'Is he seriously going to Tim Horton's right now?!'  I think to myself.   He starts picking through and strategically piling the pennies onto the table in front of me.  

"Ash, look at me," Trav says.  With my head in my hands, I shake my head.  "Look at me," he repeats.  Being the brat that I am, I look at his arm.  He knows this game.  "My eyes."  Crying less now, I smirk and look up at his sunflower eyes.

"Ash, you can't do it all.  Not at once anyways."  He nods towards the pennies, "Let's say you have three stacks of pennies and to feel complete, you must remove the stacks.  But you can't just plow the pennies over.  You can only pick one penny off one stack at a time."  He demonstrates by carefully lifting the top penny from it's wavering pile.  "Some pennies might be heavier and take longer to lift than others.  But sometimes by picking certain pennies, it will lead to removing others quicker."  I watch as one by one he places each penny back into the mug.  "Remember, once the stacks of pennies are gone, you'll have nothing left so it's okay if it takes awhile, even a lifetime."


He's right.  And he's right for me.  Travis is the only one that can handle my soul perfectly.  With just the right about of delicate touch, strong affirmation and a dash of wisdom, he has succeeded in completely stopping the tears.  I love that boy. 

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